Anya’s coming of age party…2006

Anya… Anya Elizabeth at the age of 12

A little history into our journey into woman hood…

One of my close friends, Diana Pemelton, is a crazy, fellow “breeder”, as she calls us. I met her many years ago. I met her at church. She was doing a church women’s retreat. I needed friends! We met, over the next few years we became close friends.

She has a study that she does called “And God Made Woman”. It is an amazing 16-week study on women.  Quite the bonding experience with the other women in the group!   I have made some amazing friendships through this.
About 6 or so years ago, she and I were in her basement talking. We were discussing raising daughters. She has 2 and I have 3.

Her 3 oldest are boys.

I am the 1st to raise a daughter.

She is writing a study for girls/teens called “Daughter’s of the King”.   We were discussing men and women and how our American culture lacks ceremonies guiding them through the pivotal ages in their lives.  I was telling her that I want to have a ceremony for Anya, when she “becomes a woman”.   Tom had read, “Raising a modern day Knight”, and She and Bret have already implemented several of the ceremonies with their sons.   Tom had his first ceremony with Taylor, another story…

When Anya started her period, I went to her and told her that I wanted to have a celebration for her, for this next journey into adulthood/womanhood. I was going to have a slumber party for her. She was so excited; she couldn’t wait to invite her friends. There was a catch. It wasn’t for her friends; it was women that I chose. Mentors. Women that I trusted, that would be there for her. Women that she could talk to, if she couldn’t talk to me.  Like minded women. I didn’t need to be privy to their conversations, unless she was threatening harm. Those were the rules.
It took me a few months, as I had to fly some of them in from out of town. We planned our weekend. I booked a hotel, got a few rooms, with an indoor pool. We brought food, junk food, soda, she did make-overs on some of us, it was her night.

I didn’t tell Anya of my ceremonial idea. I had each woman buy a charm that represented HER, not Anya, but them. They then presented their charm to her and told her what it was and what it meant to them, and why they chose it.   
It was the coolest!
I bought her a bracelet for her to put them on. When she wears it, or sees it, she is reminded of this circle of women in her life that love her, are praying for her, are there for her in any way she may need them.

It was one of the most moving ceremonies of our lives.

I don’t know if Anya grasped the whole concept at such a young age, but those of us there giving the charms sure did. It was amazing to be a part of the power of these women, the power and oneness when we were together.
It was all about Anya.  

We had this celebration so she would not look at this new season of her life as a curse, but as a blessing, welcoming her, in a beautiful loving way, into womanhood.  It was a beautiful night.  

S L O W I N G D O W N…

In the hurried life I lead, I am beginning to see how I have dropped the ball on some pretty important parts of my and my family’s life.

I spend so much time focusing in education, and socialization, keeping peace and taxi driving, that I have forgotten one of the most important pieces.

Their hearts.

My oldest is 15 1/2 amazing young lady. I brag on how she can run the house, babysit better then anyone, gets amazing grades, loves the Lord, is very involved in church, her youth group, has passions,  so on and so on.

I realize that I have been too trusting, and have put her in a role that she is not ready for.

I have dropped the ball on truly raising her to be a Godly woman. To really build her self esteem. To show her who she is to be in Christ, and what Christ expects of her.  To not settle for anything less.

Most of her friends are guys…have been since she was born. Most of my girlfriends at the time had sons, not daughters! I have turned a blind eye to this.    She has always been “one of the boys”.    Well, I forgot what it is like to be around a teenage boy.   They can be vulgar, pigs, gross, and totally inappropriate.  I had brothers…I remember being around them and their friends.

I have dropped the ball. Plain and simple.

I have allowed her to hear things that a woman of grace should not hear, see things that a woman of grace should not see, and speak things that a woman of grace would not say.  All under the umbrella of, well, that’s just how kids are these days!  Not that I have been openly allowing this, but I haven’t been “plugged in” like I should.  I haven’t been paying attention quite as close as I should.  As a teen, she is with her friends quite a bit, without me being right beside her, so I don’t hear the talk, or see the videos they are watching, or hear what the friends are saying or playing.  But I haven’t prepared her as I should to say no.  To say, sorry but I won’t listen to that trash, or please don’t use that language around me, or walk away when a video is being played.  Of course, I am not blaming this on “the boys”.  I KNOW that girls can be pretty raunchy as well!!  When they get in their groups and have sleepovers, the conversations, the videos, music,   Curiosity is HUGE at this age!!

I have lowered my standards to the worlds standards. Ugh! That is painful! I am sure to many they would think that I was being absurd! Movies are funny. Foul language is just the way it is now. You tube videos are funny. Commedians are funny, even if they are dirty and vulgar. It’s not like she is doing drugs and drinking or having sex!!

Well, for me it is too much.

My job as her parent is to raise her to have the esteem in who she is in God’s eyes, to not accept the world’s trash. To not allow boys to speak to her with vulgarity, or speak in front of her with vulgarity. No dirty jokes, perverse humor, or perverse humor or tv shows, you tube videos, or movies. I want her to expect NOTHING less! I want her to expect future boyfriends to have the utmost of respect when around her. Can they still joke and have fun? Of course, but I want her to know that she is a “daughter of the King”, of the most high God. I want her future husband to put her above all other women, and not allow any foul language, or any other trash around “his” wife.


I want her to not be a gossip, and not be trashy and vulgar around her girlfriends, and “follow” the crowd.

Am I asking too much? I don’t think so…I shouldn’t expect anything less. I know society does, and I know that a lot of christians in our society do.  I know I do more than I should.
I have a lot of work to do…