The things we do or don’t do as parents really do affect our children…

My first born was a darling little girl.  And quite a pistol! 

A new baby means a new circle of friends, other musicians wives, women in my lamaze class, church, we all had children the same age and they all had boys. It never mattered that Anya’s best friends were boys. She went to pre-school and had a best friend, Lauren.  They had play dates and such, it was a beautiful relationship. Once in Kindergarten, Anya began to home school, and Lauren went to CPA.  She lived in the Franklin area.  It is about 40 minutes away…distance…ugh.

Anya has done it all…home school, private school and public school.   When Anya was in Kindergarten,  several of the girls in 1st grade were very mean to her. Over and over and over, year after year.   I spent many hours on the phone or talking to the “principal” about it. It was handled each time.  Some of the girls in each school were mean as well.  8th grade was the worst…it was a small school, she chose  to go, but, the worst year one should ever have to “transfer” in.  She was completely ignored!  Thank goodness for Lane, one of her “guy” friends since she was 2.  He and his friends gave her the time of day, and hung out with her at lunch, It was one of the 2 things that got her through the year.  The other was my motivation that if she got straight A’s for the whole year, she would get her own “Macbook”.

Watching the drama only reinforced my frustration with girls!

I remember growing up, how mean girls could be. I dealt with mean girls in elementary school as well. Good grief, they even made a movie about mean girls, called “Mean Girls”!!
It encouraged me to embrace her world with the boys of my close friends! They did play dates,  sleepovers, not in the same room…but major hang time. It was awesome. They would not fight, not gang up, if there were more than 2 over for a function! They just loved hanging out and laughing and listening to music, watching movies, tv, and just talking and taking stupid pics on the computer.

Over the years, Anya has had a girlfriend or 2. In 6th grade, she had Taylor Lane. They talked all the time. But they go to different churches and different schools, so time has not been easy for get togethers and such. Once in 7th grade, she started up in youth group and has made some amazing girl friends! In enrichment, she has made some amazing girlfriends, but, there is driving distance and we don’t live near the girls.  Naturally, Anya misses out on the “after school” hang time that they all have. She misses out on the day to day stuff with them, and at times feels left out. She knows it’s not on purpose, it is a physical thing, a location thing.  The boys, on the other hand live on this side of town, so hang time has been easy…until this year.

This year everything has changed.  The boys are really boys…they have girlfriends, and when they’re not with their girlfriends, they are being boys, hanging with their boys, staying up all night, wrestling, being rude, loud, crude, wild boys.  Anya is no longer part of that.  Nor do I want her to be!!   She is a girl, a young woman.

She is alone.

It is a very, very sad, lonely time for her.  It breaks my heart.  From all aspects of her circles, she feels left out, a 3rd wheel.  It breaks my heart!  I have 6 kids, so I can’t do everything…trust me, I try.  She has 2 sisters, but in the age line up…They are 4th and 5th in the line up…7 and 5 years old.  They just don’t understand the issues in her life, not quite.  I know Anya watches the dynamic between Lily and Maggie…they are thick as thieves.  Giggling, laughing, always talking, an instant best friend.

I have always watched the same dynamic between my sisters.  I still do.  I have an 18 to 22 year difference with both of my sisters.  It is a beautiful relationship to watch, difficult at times, when they practically read each others minds.  It leaves an only girl longing for that same closeness.  Now, I have an amazing relationship with my sisters.  I’ll never have that closeness, but now that we are all adults, we are definitely much more close!   I encourage Anya, one day she will have that with Lil and Maggs!

I watch Anya, I listen to Anya, I regret I didn’t push the girlfriend thing.  I was licking my own “mean girls” wounds from my past.  Boys were safer, easier, more accessable…until now.  Now I see, she needs a good girlfriend or 2 or 3 or 4.  Needs the drama, the giggling, the silliness, the sorrow, the extreme.

I finally have that too, with my “core” group of women!  We adore each other, thick as thieves, love our drama, pray for each other, cry with each other, cherish each other.

I am praying that she will find a couple of girlfriends that are kind of in the same boat as her.  Even one…

I know she will find that one quirky girl like her…loves the same strange things that she does.  A girlfriend that she will be close, close, close to, thick as thieves, girly, girls, fight, bicker, make-up, love like a sister.  That will be her best friend.

I am watching…I believe God is already beginning to answer my prayers…