Chips and Salsa Talks…how it all started.

I have 6 children.  I have very close friends that also have 6 children.  Over the years we have become more like family, as well as  friends. Over the years our children have become like siblings and I feel like they are my children as well.  Their oldest son, Tanner and I have become very close, he is definitely like a son to me.

On his journey of life, I had invited him to coffee to discuss life, and be a sounding board for him.  Well, Tanner doesn’t like coffee…

Chips and salsa

photo courtesy of Anya Elizabeth

He likes chips and salsa.

So I said, “Great, let’s go get chips and salsa.”    That was the beginning, that began our “Chips and Salsa talks.  I don’t know how many times we got together, but is was cool, it was intentional, it was and is a great thing!

We talked about everything…school, family, friends, girlfriends, future, past, dreams, plans, how to plan, helped him come up with a plan, played devils advocate, challenged him on things, and so much more!    I can’t tell you specifics on our conversations, that would be a breach of confidence…

Rule:  don’t have to discuss with anyone, ie: said parental unit, unless said party talking, is planning on doing any harm to themselves, or someone else…

I even got him started in blogging!  Tanner Pemelton
That was one of the best things I encouraged him to do…He is a wonderful writer and our next generation, of writers have a lot of amazing things to say!  (one very important blog roll at the bottom of my blog…) Check ALL of them out!

I have cherished my chips and salsa talks…I gained another member of my family.  I grew as a person listening to what this individual had to say.  I hope I instilled some insight, wisdom, encouragement, love, and a little laughter in him.  He is gone to another state for school…I am sad.  But…he is with his 2nd family Jeff and Kim Graves…so it is all good!!  I am mom 2/2.

One thing I know, he will be back for holidays…although he will be pulled and stretched to see all of his friends, and of course his family…I know we will sneak in a Chips and salsa talk.

Fortunately, our families are family friends…part of my Nashville Family . We will be in each other’s lives forever…  I know one day I will be at his wedding celebrating and crying with his mom and dad…knitting a rockin’ awesome sweater for a baby that one day he and his future bride will have, watching amazing films that he has written, produced, filmed or whatever with his best friend Nathan Graves…

I believe that his parents, Bret and Diana,  did and continue to do an amazing job raising Tanner and all 6 of their children!  They are all creative, funny, intelligent, silly, loud individuals, just like my 6…

I also believe, like Hillary Clinton said about 14 years ago, taken from an old African proverb, that it does take a village to raise a child…  I cherish the people that are speaking life, and encouragement, discipline if needed, God,  and love into my children’s lives…

My path continues…as I am now on my journey of “Mentoring Mom” with my amazing daughter Anya, I have booked our 1st Chips and Salsa talk.   Tomorrow around 11:30…

Intentional conversations, mixed in with a little laughter…

and of course, chips and salsa.

I can’t wait!

Conviction…Mom style.

In my process of mentoring Anya, I am reading a book that I bought about 2 months ago called,

The Mentoring Mom. 

In the first chapter she asks, what is the imprint you are stamping on your child’s life?

OUCH!!  Hello?  Conviction, how are you, so good to see you again!!

Wow, that made me think…How am I investing MY time in Anya, in all 6 of my children?  How am I showing them love, joy, peace, patience, self-control…and more?

YUCK.

I don’t think I give myself very high marks on a few of these…

I knew this mentoring thing would push me, push me out of MY comfort zone, but so soon???

So I am in the conversation, contemplation phase right now.  What steps do I have to take to be more patient with them, to have more self control?  We can’t expect our children to listen to our words when our words don’t mirror our actions!!

Why is it that we can have peace, self-control, patience, joy and love for others; friends, strangers even, but with our family, we believe it is alright to play by a whole different set of rules?

I know I am guilty of this.  How do I make that change, I am on my journey.

What are your thoughts?

Life is precious…

Life is precious.

I know most of us believe it, but over the past few weeks, I have really been feeling it.  Wallowing in my own pity, because I am over tired, overwhelmed, over committed (very easy with 6 kids and a busy husband), over tired, and over done,  2 people passed away last week.

Nancy Demus was an amazing woman that was diagnosed with cancer about a month ago and passed away the end of June…

Joshua Ragsdale was an amazing songwriter that my husband knew that passed away July 1st, 2010 from leukemia.

Both are tragic stories.  Nancy went to the hospital because she couldn’t breathe, thought she had pneumonia.  A week and a half later they sent her home with hospice, with a month or so to live.  Joshua was misdiagnosed for 5 years with Lyme disease.  Only to then find out he had stage 4 leukemia.  He was put on a bone marrow transplant list, found a donor and the donor backed out 2 times.  He lost his battle after about a year.

Nancy’s memorial service was streamed live…awesome for me, because I had no babysitter.  So I was able to watch it.  What a beautiful service.  Nancy was full of life, laughter, love for others, and full of Jesus.

Joshua’s service was today.  I didn’t know him, but after today, feel like I did, and know that I want to be more like him.  Son of a pentecostal preacher from Mississippi.  Loved life, loved to laugh, loved to give, and full of Jesus.

They are both home…They are both dancing on the streets of gold, and having amazing conversations with the saints of old, as part of the lyric that Nancy wrote in a song she wrote with her amazing husband Mike.  They are happy.  They don’t want to come back.  It is those of us left here on earth that grieve.  I know it’s so difficult for us, for me to comprehend, but our time here on earth is short compared to our time in eternity.  We will be there in a blink of an eye.

It is those of us left here on earth, that need others prayers to get us through the difficulty of losing a loved one, a friend, a husband, a wife, a parent, grand parent, sister or brother.

Our hearts are rejoicing in knowing that they are no longer in pain, they are with the Creator of the Universe.

They are good.

Our hearts are broken within our human confines, because we have lost our best friend, our relative, the love of our life, our parent, grandparent, or child.

So remember to say a prayer for Mike Demus today and the dark, empty days ahead, and for the Ragsdale family as they attempt to grasp some kind of understanding of the whys, as they struggle to keep God in the picture and continue to “Give Thanks for Everything”, even when that pain cuts,  stabs and slices deep within their hearts and souls.  That they will begin to heal and allow God to heal their broken hearts.

Remember, as I have been reminded this week, that life is precious.  As I wallowed in my pity of “lack of fun” over the 4th, and being alone with my 3 small kids while everyone else was having a blast over the holiday with other friends and BBQ’s, that I was with my precious little lives.  That I am blessed with my 6 amazing beautiful children, wild and strong willed as they may be.  That this IS a season…although I have lengthened it quite a bit with 6,  it is only a season of my life.  To remember that Anya will be off to college in 2 years, they are all growing so very fast.  I NEED to savor it!!  It will be over so very soon.  I need balance, and rest, and a break every now and then, Most important I need to remember to enjoy my life, my family, friendships, other people, acquaintances, all relationships, because life is precious.

Check this post out that I stol…”borrowed” from Tanner…I finally published my post about Anya, after this…

I had been working on this post for a week…too long, not enough hours in the day to focus and write.  Before I was able to post my latest blog about Anya, Tanner Pemelton, Check out his blog!  He posted this blog about her about 4 or 5 days ago…

This is an amazing young man, and a true friend, one of my “sons”.  I will be posting a full blog about Tanner Pemelton very soon…

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Anya “Smanya” Harden


So, I decided that I’m going to start on occasion writing about certain prominent people in my life and how they have affected me. The first person I will be writing about is Anya Harden aka. Smanya.

I first met anya around I want to say 8 years ago? I probably am wrong and Im sure Anya will be the first to tell me I’m wrong. haha. All I know is I was young, and so was she. She was probably in first or second grade at the time. Her mom, my 2nd 2nd mom(confusing I know, but you got to understand how my mother system works. My first mom is my birthmother, Diana aka mommy. For my second mom I have a tie. It is shared between Mrs. Kim Graves (mommy number 2 aka Florida Mommy) and Mrs. Lorrie Harden( Mommy number 2 aka Tennessee mom who isnt my real mom. haha anyways I have gone way too far on this tangent.) Ok, back to where I was originally going, Anya’s mom met my mom through my moms class And God Made Woman. And they just hit it off and have been friends ever since. So needless to say I have been around Anya for quite sometime now.

I will say that we have most definitely grown much, much, closer over the past 2 or 3 years. My family started attending what we call our “Dysfunctional Small Group,” at the Hardens house every other weekend. So with all the time spent there and then all the time spent with youth group, we know each other quite well I’d say. haha. Actually thats an understatement.

I would really consider Anya just another one of my siblings. She hates it when I say that but its true. She really has become another member of my family. And I’d say we treat each other like siblings. The nickname “smanya” comes merely from me saying it and realizing she hated it, so… it stuck. haha. I say anything remotely sexist, she will full on punch me in the arm. And man… does that girl pack a punch. haha. But my relationship with Anya isn’t all about us just picking on each other. That’s what makes Anya a special friend.

I’ve watched Anya go through the some very tough situations. I watched her grow up before my eyes, and really its weird to look back and look at the friend I have now and realize its the same 2nd grader I knew 8 years ago. Ive watched her go through so much, Ive hurt for her so many times and I’ve been happy for her just as many times. It truly is amazing.

Anya has had the difficult spot of being a girl amongst guys. She’s grown up around a bunch of us stupid boys. It was always Anya and the boys. Anya, cooper, lane, tanner, and the rest of the boys. She’s always been one of the boys. But over the past few years I’ve watched her start to depart from the role of “one of the boys” or “Tomboy” and really start to transfer into a woman. Its even weird for me to say that now, but its true. The same girl who I remember just always been fascinated with the snakes, and karate is turning into a woman. Don’t get me wrong, she still loves both, but with a different finesse to it.

Even though Anya is the same age as cooper and I see her as a sister, she has done alot for me. One of the things I love most about anya is how blunt she is. She has always just been straight up with me and just says whatever is bothering her. There have been so many times where she has just called me out on something and it really has made me think, and or change things. But I of course probably wouldn’t tell her that, before now. haha. She has pushed me to do things, that I honestly was not comfortable with but I’m so glad she did.

One example of this that I will share happened in Wheelwright KY about 2 years ago. We were on a missions trip with our youth group, and a large number of volunteers from our church. I want to say there was at least 60 to 70 volunteers there. So on the last night of this amazing trip, Ryan Bult asked if me and anya would play a song to lead the whole group in worship. Anya immediately said yes, and I just kind of looked at them blank faced. haha. “sure.” In my head I was screaming, “NO!!!!” haha But good ole Anya just put us out there, so I wasn’t going to say no. So we started learning the song 20 minutes before we were going to play it. I was freaking out. I couldnt remember my parts rehearsing it, I had to keep playing it, over and over again. I was really shaky when it came time to play. We followed a really great song preformed by Ted “muscles” Moxley, which Ive got to say, is a REALLY hard act to follow. So I walked up to the front, set down my chair and looked at the audience. “what am I doing?” I then looked at Anya and she just gave me the look Ive seen a million times. She looks at me blankfaced and opens her eyes real big and raising her eyebrows. So, I knew that was my cue to start. So I started playing. And then a few seconds in I was locked in. Hearing all of those people, adults and kids, singing “From The Inside Out” was so moving. I couldve stayed in that moment for the rest of my life. It was just amazing, we were all in worship together at this amazing place. We finished the song and we sat down and I was so happy that Anya pushed me to do that. That was one of the best experiences of my life. Even thinking about it now gets me so excited. It was just such a moving moment. Another small thing that I am so happy she forced me to do, was watch the movie ONCE. It such an amazing movie, that she told me to see over and over again and then she forced me to watch it and I loved it.

Yeah, me and Anya may have our differences. Music is one thing. Actually it really isn’t we have a lot of music we have in common, we just like to pick on each others music. Ive had an agenda against Radiohead long before I knew Anya liked them. I think they make some great music, but their fans and the lead singer just make me so mad I can’t stand them. So I of course always pick on Anya for liking them. And she will pick on my music, well… actually i don’t know if she picks as much as makes fun of me singing along with them, when everyone in the world who has ever driven with me knows, Im pretty tone deaf. haha. So she calls me out on it. haha. So yea we bash heads on music sometimes, but thats part of the fun.

Through all of the times Ive had with her, I cherish those moments that Anya calls me out on me for being stupid. I am so blessed to have this wonderful person in my life. She truly is a woman who is seeking God first. She is definitely a unique girl, and I can not wait to see the guy who will come along and swipe her off her feet. But hey, if the you, the reader, are that guy, know that you’re going to have to go through all of anya’s brothers to qualify. haha. Not really. I can not wait to see what God has instore for her. She has done so much for me and has such a loving heart. I know He has huge plans for her. I thank God that He has brought her into my life. I know I don’t say it often, but love ya anya, and thank you for being my wonderful friend.

Media Associated With This Post:
Song: Falling Slowly
Artist: Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova
Album: Once Soundtrack.