19Apr / 2011

Breaking up is hard to do…

Ahhh, Neil Sedaka…I remember this song when I was a kid…which has nothing to do with this post…but I’ve got to give love for the song…

This is about relationships… but it is NOT about romance, it is about friendship.

From a VERY young age, friendships come and go.

Last year, one of Maggie’s dear friends moved away…She was 5 and her little friend moved away. It has been hard on her many months later…she will sometimes cry…”I miss Elizabeth!” It is so tragic…for a 6 year old to lose a friend, for any of us for that matter.

Quite some time ago, I had someone in my life that I had to walk away from, and it was very traumatic for them. I couldn’t look back, it was way too much of a dysfunctional friendship. It wasn’t easy for me, not easy, at all, for them!

We all have friends that we have known since elementary school, middle school, high school, or as adults and over time, some of these relationships, friendships grow apart…we have different interests, different classes, different friends, different churches, sports, schools, job, someone moves.

We drift, and usually with drifting…we don’t drift together.

There is no rhyme or reason to this…usually no one is at fault…some times only one person drifts and the other has no idea what is going on.

It is not an easy situation for either party. It is painful, it is confusing at times, it is part of life.

As painful as it is, it is a part of life.

So I pose a few questions on this…

Have you ever been in this situation as the one who is drifting away? How do you deal with this?

Do you attempt to tell the other party? Do you just move forward? Do you run and hide? Just ignore the whole thing and hope you don’t see them again?

You know they are hurting, but walking back into the relationship is not always the best thing.

So, what do you do?

If you are the person left behind and confused, what is it that you want the drifter to do, other then drift back.. it might be too late for that…

Do you want an explanation? Would it help with the pain or hurt more?

How do you know it’s time to move on?

I would love to hear your feedback on this one…

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25Mar / 2011

Lifelong Friends…a true blessing.

Even at spring break it's not terribly crowded!

Tom at the beach...

Last week Tom and I were in Florida for a little break. We stayed with my parents, their house is conveniently located very close to the beach. It was short notice and they graciously let us invade their house. We knew that my parents had friends that were down for the month of March, and we would stay out of their way. (which of course we didn’t have to)

The New Pool!

Their friends were staying in a house one street down, so staying with my parents was not a problem.

We were finally able to meet my father’s “infamous” life long friends, or a few of them.

Bobby showing Tom a site on the computer

Mom and Anna having a chat

Christy and Carol

Mom and Christy at the pool

Here is the history:

Many years ago, my father grew up in this magical, mystical town, Morristown NJ, and had friends from all different races and ethnicities. Now mind you, it was the late 40’s and 50’s. He graduated in 1957. Seriously…the 40’s and 50’s! Prejudice and discrimination was never a part of his vocabulary. He taught us well! Amazing!

Growing up, I heard stories, many funny stories, of all of his friends, but it wasn’t until after I had graduated and married that my father really began to keep in much closer touch with his “forever friends”. He never missed a class reunion, but as the years went by, too much time would pass between reunions, and they began calling each other. They began to have get-togethers

I never really got the whole “why” they decided to spend more time together, as I was knee deep in children, babies and toddlers…

Over the years, they would make bigger plans and spend a week or 2 with each other. Now, I get this, as I have my girlfriends that I have my week long getaways, and dinners and weekend getaways with my “BFF’s”. These are necessary trips for us!!

Until this last week,I had never met my parent’s friends, I was finally able to meet a few of the “gang”

Let me tell you, I was not disappointed…

Mom and Dad

I met Bobby, the Pagano’s (they left the day after we got there), Carol, and I met Anna. We were invited to their cocktail parties, and a BBQ, and an amazing dinner they had for my parent’s 50^th anniversary. (That is another blog post…50 years!)

It was wonderful.

Bobby and Dad cooking

Bobby and Dad discussing sauce

It was quite an experience to watch my dad and Bobby, who he has known since preschool, and Anna and Carol. Here they are in their early 70’s, we watched them banter and bicker and laugh and love. You could tell that they have known each other forever. They are so comfortable with each other that they banter/bicker like siblings, and no one is offended, they love to laugh and they love to love each other. They have included my mom in their world, which is an added gift. I had moments, watching them, that I couldn’t help but see Anya and Cooper and Lane in 50 plus years!

Kids at a party

Cooper and Anya

Lane, Anya and Cooper

It made me laugh. It all brought me joy. I loved watching this amazing relationship between these adults. I am so very glad that I finally met all of these wonderful people, and that my mom and dad are blessed to have such good friends in their life.

It showed me once again, the preciousness and blessing of friendship. I am blessed with my friends and it blesses me to see my children have the beginnings of their life long friends, and to see my parents enjoying their retirement years, enjoying life and sharing life with their lifelong friends.

It is really what life is all about…family and friends.

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05Oct / 2010

Grace and Mercy…A little story of relationship issues between “My someone” and “their friend”.

(note: I have used “my someone” and “their friend” instead of actual names to keep it private)

While I was away on my little journey, I found out some information on someone very close to me.

“My someone” has a very good friend that, unbenounced to “my someone”, is very angry with them, and has been since last spring. My someone was really going through something very difficult in their life. Apparently, my someone was quite “impossible” to be around and was very hurtful to their friend, as well as others. I know it wasn’t intentional…my someone was hurt by others, and I believe, felt safe to vent, spew, vomit, what ever you want to call it, at their friend.

Their friend had had enough. My someone didn’t realize how hurtful they were being and continued the spewing. “Their friend” is done…my someone still didn’t’ know they had crossed boundaries, and had angered and hurt “their friend” until a few weeks ago. My someone didn’t’ find out how angry “their friend” was, until I told them about it last night.

My someone is very sad. They want to make this right. They didn’t mean to hurt their friend. They love their friend.

This has been a good learning experience that teaches us so many things.

In relationships, we need to step outside ourselves on so many different levels. There are times that we are going through something very difficult and we become quite a pain in the…(you fill in the blank…) It is times like these that we need a lot of grace. We can’t live in the hateful state forever, but during this time that we are going through this, our friends and loved ones really need to look at the whole picture and as they help you through this time, really let the anger roll off, and extend grace.

When we are going through our “ pain”, it would be good for us to let those loved ones around us, with our words, know that we are going through a very difficult time, and that we need their grace and mercy, and help as we go through this.

Communication is KEY.

If “their friend” has had enough, and really can’t extend anymore grace, they need to voice that, so that “my someone” can step outside of themselves, and either get through the time, and/or have a heart to heart and change their behavior toward others around them. Maybe go see a professional so that they are no longer abusing their close friends.

It is time for me to intervene…

I will be getting “my someone and their friend together” for a little chat and a lot of honesty. It is time for communication, repentance, reconciliation, and restoration.

Friendships…relationships are worth it!

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30Jul / 2010

Older mom syndrome…Women do you relate?

I have a very large family, I am an “older mom”. My oldest is 16 and my youngest is 2, and I am in my 40′s. Most of Lily and Maggie’s friends mom’s are in their early 30′s and the mom’s Rowan’s age…20′s.

My friends all have teenagers and up…their season of life is different. They can come and go as they please, for the most part…I hire a babysitter and come and go with them…

I have a dilemma…I need little girl friends for Lily and Maggie, and guy friends for Kieran, and Rowan!

I find that it is not as easy to make friends with the younger mom’s, it is new territory, although I have really been trying, I promise! I am working on it, and make myself accessible, but I feel as though they don’t relate to me, or maybe I scare them…”Who is she, a grandmother??”

I have great friends that I have made with my older children’s moms. I don’t want my younger children to NOT have friends. I home school so they don’t have “school” friends 5 days a week. I have to make more of an effort for them. I have tried to make “play dates” for Maggie and Lily with mom’s with kids that age. They just don’t really follow through and make the dates happen. It makes my girls very sad. It leaves me confused…I don’t understand why?

I had one mom, that I went to church with and our girls were in enrichment together, we would get the girls together. She moved away this summer, as her husband is in the military…Such a drag!

I have single friends that are in their 20′s that I am friends with, I have friends my age, I have friends with people in their 50′s and 60′s…it’s those 30 somethings…(sorry 30 somethings, I am just stating what I see…)

I want to be friends with amazing parents and people that are ALL different ages! I pray that they will look at me as a cool mom, and not look at me like a strange “old” woman! And, I will not dwell on my age difference! (It just might be me…) I don’t know though, I have really put it out there with some of the women…to no avail…

I did just meet an amazing family that Lily had become friends with their daughter in enrichment. They have a ministry in east Nashville. They home school, and have 4 kids…oldest is 8 1/2. They are definitely in their 30′s. We really hit it off…we had a lot to talk about…kids, God, home school…life. I am thankful for this new friendship! Girls are enjoying the “hang time”!

I am praying for friends for my younger children, as they grow older. Good girlfriends for Maggie and Lily. Great guy friends for Taylor, Kieran and Rowan.

I am praying for amazing women with kids the same ages as ALL of mine! That we can establish relationships on all different levels. Relate to each other, learn and grow from each other and embrace our differences and strengthen our similarities, and grow in love. I know for me, I learn and grow from women of all ages! Older, my age and younger. I believe that has been a blessing with having much younger sisters…25 and 29!!

I and some other girlfriends have started having a dinner once a month. We are striving to have a diverse group of women! 20, 30, 40, 50′s…single, married, married with children, young children, all ages, empty nesters…This month we have 13 women committed, and about 7 more on the maybe list! It is going to be a blast!! Can’t wait!

So, if you’re young, or old, or kids or no kids…reach out to other women we are very relational…we need eachother. We can all relate on one level or another.

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28Apr / 2010

The ant farm…

My dear friend Karen and her husband Bruce came down to Nashville for a visit. They live in Canada.

Let me give you a little history…

I met Karen when Tom was playing for Lari White. I was pregnant with Taylor, who is now, 13. She has 2 children. Lucas who will be 17 the end of June and Molly, who just turned 14 in March!!

We were the perfect Lucy and Ethel match.

We would get together all the time, when our husbands were out of town making money. I would pack up my kids and we would head out to the “holler”, where Karen lived, and hang…The kids always had things to do. We made messes, we were loud, sometimes the “Clay Lady” would come over and there would be a group of mom’s with small children, and the kids would make clay somethings…Many times Mr T, her neighbor and neighborhood grandfather would come over and hang with us and tell stories, and sometimes give the kids rides in his golf cart. He owned most of the “holler” We went to the Chattanooga Aquarium together and had a blast. Many many days we would just go to McDonald’s and let the kids play in the play area. Times she would come to my house and help me organize it and we even cleaned up my messy garage and made a “play room” out there!! It was always fun.

As for many in the music business, her husband Dean, was burned out with the music industry and he and Karen decided to go back to Canada to raise their children, near their extended family. She moved away just a day or 2 before I gave birth to baby number 3, Kieran. It was such a sad day for me.

We have kept in touch over the years, not the greatest, as Canada was an expensive phone call. We would email now and then. It was always like we had seen eachother just the day before. She came down for a visit about 6 years ago with her children.

Pic 1. Karen with Anya and Taylor

Pic. 2. L to R: Kieran, Taylor, Lucas,(with his eyelids flipped) and Lane Hinchliffe

Pic 2. Lucas getting in “touch” with Lily

Pic 4. L to R: Molly, Maddie Hinchliffe, and Anya

Last fall, Tom was touring, and had a show in Niagra, about an hour from Karen’s house. So I went up with him! I was able to see Karen and her new husband Bruce. We all were able to hang out for a couple of days. We had a blast! We went driving in wine country, checked out different wines and enjoyed the country and just caught up and made new memories!

Well, about 2 weeks ago or so, I got a message from Karen letting me know that she and Bruce were coming to Nashville. I was so excited. They are here this week. They came over on Monday so that they could meet all of my children. The last one Karen met was Lily, number 4. Then once Tom came home from his sessions, we went out for dinner. After dinner, they picked up Anya and Taylor and she and Bruce took them to the Predators hockey game!!

OK, back to the title of my post…

Bruce and Karen and I were sitting in my living room chatting. As we were chatting we were watching the activitiy in the kitchen area. All of my children were coming and going, getting something to eat, walking around, running, throwing themselves on the ground and having a temper tantrum…

For a brief moment, I saw things through her eyes. I looked at her and said it looks like bees swarming,

no, it looks like an ant farm, the way they are all busily going about their way, at the same time! It was hysterical! We started laughing!

Living in the middle of the chaos, I don’t realize what it looks like. so for that brief minute, I saw it. It is busy, it is loud, it is constant, it is exhausting to watch and it is humorous! To me it is normal. To someone with 2 teenage children, 4 teenage children with a blended family, it is exhausting!

This is my life, swarming bees, busy ants, getting through each day.

It is beautiful.

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lorrieharden

Tag Archives: friendship

Breaking up is hard to do…

Lifelong Friends…a true blessing.

Grace and Mercy…A little story of relationship issues between “My someone” and “their friend”.

Older mom syndrome…Women do you relate?

The ant farm…

lorrieharden

Tag Archives: friendship

Breaking up is hard to do…

Lifelong Friends…a true blessing.

Grace and Mercy…A little story of relationship issues between “My someone” and “their friend”.

Older mom syndrome…Women do you relate?

The ant farm…

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