The subject of fear has come up a lot in the past few months, at least in my mind…
Several months ago, Pastor Pete, at Cross point, did a series called, “Paralyzed”…got me thinking…
So I want to share my thoughts…
Rowan is waking up several times in the night, crying…night terrors, bad dreams call them what you want. A couple of days ago, Anya was babysitting and she played the movie “Sleeping Beauty” for Lily, Maggie, and Rowan. He sat in my bed, and every time the evil, Maleficent, would show up, he would say, “Oh no, oh no, oh no” and pull the blanket over his head…
Kieran is 10 and is going through some kind of fear thing…again…we can’t quite pin point why this time…we’re working on it.
Kids have their fears during the day, at night, fear of the dark, shadows, monsters…
As adults we feel for our children when they are scared, and try to calm and comfort their fears.
We make every attempt to bring their fears out of the dark and into the light,
We open doors and shine lights under beds, to show them that there is nothing there.
As adults what do we do with our own fears??
Do we cower when the “lights” go off in our lives?
Do we hide in our minds full of iniquity, and self loathing, guilt from the past and
Fear of the future?
How do we calm our fears? Who do we turn to help us shine the light on our unrealistic,
expectations of ourselves?
It sometimes seems so trite to say, just turn to God, and He will help you through…
If it were that easy, why are there so many of us that still struggle?
Are we not spiritual enough? I believe that we should turn to God and ask Him to help
Us with our fears… Sometimes I believe that it takes more.
Sometimes I believe that God wants us to do more digging, more shedding, to make us more transparent…More trusting to others. Find your inner circle, an inner circle that you can be open and honest with. Mine is a circle of women that I can, as Diana P. puts it, “Be completely naked with”.
I have been blessed, after all these years, I have that circle, I am finally, slowly, carefully taking the risk and stripping, shedding, and becoming completely “naked” with these women. I love them, I trust them. I am scared to death at times, but I do feel safe with them. I am able to share with them my fears, my personal fears. (I’ve always been the sharee (ooh look, I made up a new word…) not the sharer…) I am able to begin to bring what I have hidden in the dark for so long into the light. It may not be major traumatic happenings in my life that would make one gasp when they hear it, but it is enough that it has kept me frozen. Enough that I have been afraid to step out and be the woman that is inside me. The woman who has dreams yet to fulfill.
I have fear of failure…fear of success…
Fear of success??? Yes, for me, fear of success as well. In the past I, didn’t necessarily, like who I was, or how things looked for my small successes. So I put my dreams away, to stay safe. Safe from fear of rejection, failure, and success. But I was reminded that I am not that same person I was years ago. That those fears of success probably couldn’t withstand the woman that I have become! Wow that is powerful.
So I will be chewing on that for a while, and continue to walk this through, shedding, stripping, walking in light and tackling my monsters, gaining strength and becoming more of who I am to be…
It’s never too late to start.