Category Archives: Life

26Oct / 2011

Same old, same old…Never in this house.

I think of a million things that I want to write about, or rant about.  Usually I am in the car driving, or I know that relatives will read it and worry that I have so much anger, rage or sadness, or whatever emotion happening at the time, that I opt to NOT post it.

Obviously, there’s been a lot of emotion going on since I haven’t blogged since Aug 24.  Then a few days ago I get a email from Sitelock, telling me that once AGAIN my freaking blog has been hacked.

Seriously…

I was told that if I updated my theme, or changed my “theme” and deleted the old one, it should help.  The old one was given to me so I couldn’t update it.  So I just found a freebie for now, that should be pretty new and uploaded it and deleted the old theme.  So, “Suck it Mr. Crab!”

I’ll find out if it fixed the malware later tonight…

Life is full of change here…

I am putting 3 of 6 of my kids in school.  Row is too young, Anya is a senior and is finishing as a home schooler, as much as she HATES that stereotype, and Kieran was TOO freaked out to make a change so quick, so he will remain home schooling, until…

Taylor is nervous…like NOT excited about the EARLY mornings and the normal fears, will he be liked?  Will he find his classes?  Will he do alright?  I know he will on ALL…eventually.  We will need a few bombs in his room to get him up for a while.  The boy can sleep!!  He will get lost a few times, but eventually find his way around. I know he will make friends, he is an amazing kid!

Lily is so very excited.  She came and told me that she is so excited for school.  Makes me so happy!  She will be great!

Maggs…she will be my flittering butterfly.  I know she will do well.  She is a ball of sunshine, yet very fragile.  Once she makes friends, they will be friends for life.  She will do well in school.  It will be intense for her, but she will succeed!

Rowan is in a MDO 2 days a week.  May put him in for 2 more, for a while.  So I can get some major, boarder-hoarder clean up going on.  11 years in this house, 6 kids 2 giant dogs, 2 cats and a messy creative husband and NO time for me to do anything about it, makes for a messy house!!  I can’t wait to tackle all the OLD stuff.  Throw in some knitting time!!  Oh yeah!  I will be good.

I may have a few hours at a time, with NO music blaring, well none of their droning music playing, or TODDLER hell music playing in my head over and over and over and over and over…I will actually be able to hear and converse with the conversations going on in my head!

The next few weeks will be a huge transition.  So give us a little prayer as we adjust…you know, like I don’t kill them in the mornings…when they won’t get up and be ready in time…I’m not exactly a morning person either.

Another added bonus, I can focus on some writing with Tom and Don, and Marcia, and Liz and some other amazing peeps that I haven’t written with in a while, a long while, except for my husband, we just wrote an amazing song last week!!

Plus my amazing husband has been kickin’ it on my cd, and in the very small amount of time he has, has been working on it.  May be done by Christmas?

Then we have some amazing plans.  We are writing some killer stuff…But that is for another post down the road…

That is my update.  I hope to post a little more often, maybe post some pics of the hoarding episodes going on in my house…

Who knows?

 

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24Aug / 2011

Aren’t we all just bitching about the same thing???

I wrote this was several weeks ago…but I haven’t had time to post this. Then our blogs were hacked…All is better now, and we are secure!

So I wanted to post this!

Enjoy….

So funny, I am sitting at terminal 4o something at the Denver airport and I am just enjoying the FREE internet!  Surfing and blog reading.  I find a 20 something blog, and after a phone conversation with a good friend, that is NOT a 20 something, I came to the realization that we are all bitching about the same thing.

20 somethings vs. 40 somethings

Frustration with careers:

20 something…I put out a zillion applications for jobs that I went to college for and am over qualified for, and nothing.  Don’t think I could get a job at McDonalds or Wal Mart?

40 something…I am being downsized as I am no longer relevant, they can hire a 20 something much cheaper than they can keep me..  So difficult to find a job…I can’t even get a job at Wal Mart!

 

Relationships:

20 something: difficult to find that Mr or Mrs. Right….I want life to be more than about sex.

40 something:  I just want to have that intimacy that we used to have when we were younger and life was simple and carefree before kids, jobs, responsibilities.  When we could still dream, or divorced:  At my age, it is difficult to find that Mr. or Mrs. Right.

 

Dreams:

20 something:  I have huge dreams, I just don’t know HOW to get from here to there, it is overwhelming, how do I make the connections, make ends meet while I am pursuing…am I good enough?

40 something: I forgot how to dream.  I feel TOO OLD to dream.  This is a younger world, for younger people, no time, too much responsibility, kids, job…am I too old to be considered good enough?

 

Blah, Blah, Blah!!!

Is anyone listening?  Is anyone listening to anyone?  Is anyone talking to anyone?  It seems that no matter what the age, we have a lot in common, a lot to talk about,  a lot of relating…

I know for me, as a 40 something, I have felt WAY too old.  I forgot how to dream  I have been drowning in self pity of my age, my 6 kids,  my age, my lack of time, responsibilities of life, my wrinkles, extra weight, not so hip, cool clothes.  I forgot that I have a lot to offer.  I have life experience.  I want to help, I AM revelant and I have a voice.

I am beginning to believe that I am not too old..to pursue…My husband told me that there was a country artist that got her first record deal at 49!

Hello people…

With the Internet, I have the ability to put my music out there.  I have to believe that I can sing. I know I can…  I hear many 20 something’s and realize that I can kick their vocal asses singing!  I am quite good.  I have to believe that I have something to say with my music.  I have stories to tell.  I just saw one of my class mates from high school.  She left a bad marriage after 20 years.  10 years with an alcoholic…she finally had to say no more.  As I was listening to her story, I said, Wow, Tommy and I actually wrote a song about you.   Has anyone “famous” recorded it?  Not yet.  Is it relevant?  Absolutely!  Just seeing that I do have something to say.  I want people to listen.  She has something to say…and many people that NEED to listen!

I am happy to say, that after my “dry spell” in the dreaming department, I went to an amazing conference called “Quitter”, put on by Jon Acuff.  It lit a fire in me, a fire to dream, and believe in dreams again.

I would be a liar if I said that I don’t have moments, on a daily basis, of that evil voice that tries to tell me that I am too old and this is a joke.  I do.   I am now recognizing that voice and am learning how to shut that voice up!  I am remembering to turn to my husband and continue to talk about our dreams, and continue to plan into baby steps and pursue.

So no matter HOW old or young you are, don’t give up, don’t think you are alone.

You’re not.

Remember to look at the beginning of this post, look,  there are more people to talk to and find support and support others, then you can ever realize…

Don’t stop dreaming and pursuing, this is a huge world and there is enough of it to go around for all of us, who dare to dream.

 

 

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23Aug / 2011

Damn Hackers!!!

So life has been crazy, I just got back from somewhere DEEP in the south…McCool Mississippi for one of my best friends wedding, and last night Tom comes in after a full day of work, 10, 2, 6, then comes home to do a drum track, comes upstairs and says, “Hey, some guy tweeted that he tried to get on my blog and it warned him that this site was now unsafe…”

So I googled Tommyharden.com and sure enough, some SOB totally hacked in his account.  So much for sleep.  I was up “livechatting” with someone.  Up until 3 am trying to figure out how to fix this situation…

Just called our host, and they are resetting the blogs to a few weeks ago.  Hopefully the hacker wasn’t on back then.  I don’t think they were.

I am NOT computer literate…I have NO idea what to do…I don’t want to pay a lot of money for this.  It is just a simple fun blog…

WHY?  Why must nasty, nasty people have to leech onto a great site and suck the life right out?  UGH…

I hope you will somehow be able to read my little rant…

If not, it felt good to write it…

Have a good day!  Everyone EXCEPT you Nasty little scum sucking hackers…

 

 

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31Jul / 2011

The Hormonal Posts 1

I get bitchy, I get rude, I just get unbearable in my mind.  The conversations are LOUD.  I know that I am NOT Bi-polar, and am thankful for that.
What I am is HORMONAL!
Yes, as women, once a month, and it varies on when…during ovulation, or week before or during “that time of the month”, we become unbearable…and if you say you don’t, you’re a liar!
and “OF COURSE it has NOTHING to FREAKING do with our HORMONES!”, we SCREAM out to whatever poor soul gets in our way…
I find that I am especially “glass half empty” during that week.  I am weepy. I am silly, I am paranoid, I am bitchy, I am rage, I am manic,  I am overwhelmed with EVERYTHING.  I am DONE.  I am, I am not.  I want my husband to meet my every need before I know what they are, and he should be able to read my mind!  I want my kids to be “little Stepford children”, sweet, smiling and SILENT!  I want to bathe myself in salt and chocolate.  I want to sleep…well, I want that every week!  I want songs cut.  I want the music industry to disappear, I want a chance to be somebody, just like Justin Bieber…
I want drivers OFF the roads, I want to NOT deal with people ANYWHERE.  I want to scare little children sitting innocently in their grocery carts as I pass by, just to watch them cry.  I want to not worry about money, I want my friends to be pursuers and call me and ask…”Gee, how are YOU doing today?”  And NOT make it about them that day.  I want it to be ALL about ME!
I don’t want to feel crampy, I don’t want to bloat, I am sick of my face breaking out…hello???  It’s been like 30 years of acne/rosacea hell!!  I want to go to the beach, but it not be too hot, and I want to be Verruca Salt…I want the world…I want the WHOLE world.
Then after my 4-7 days of pure torcherous hell thrust and spewed upon my family and friends, I am back to my old self.
Why must we endure this….EVE???

I am thinking that I will add “The Hormonal Posts”…once a month, not that it will coincide with MY time, but, just a real good bitch rant…who knows…

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09Jun / 2011

Watching your kids grow up/Happy Birthday Anya!

Several days ago, I was driving around like a crazy person, (not a big shock there) finding last minute items for Anya’s mission trip to Nairobi Kenya.  It was an interesting day.  Two days before she leaves, Tom is home watching the kids so Anya and I can go do last minute shopping…The day consisted of breakfast for us at Cracker barrel, just chatting about life…Then we headed off to Goodwill to pick up some jeans, long sleeve t-shirts, and shoes that she could keep over there, those clothes will be pretty skanky after 2 weeks working in the slums…

We couldn’t find any shoes, so we just went and picked up some very inexpensive ones at Wal Mart… (Sorry, Beth, I know how much you LOVE Wal-Mart…but they were 5.00 shoes!!)

It was a great day!  I was up late looking up all the emails from Rhonda Hewett, the team leader,  gathering all the info I would need to have while she is gone…contact info, itinerary, passport etc. 

The next morning Anya had to finish her photo shoot gig…then head off to a special breakfast with her dad.  I was looking over her packing list…when she got home I asked her, do you have your outfits for working at the slums?  Yes…what do you have?  I have the new pair of jeans you bought me a few weeks ago…What?  Oh I don’t think so…you will be walking in excrement…getting filthy.  You are supposed to have 3-4 different sets of clothes.

Yea, she had maybe 1/2 of what she needed, more than clothes, other necessities too…the day before…no babysitter, not so good.  She and I got in an argument.  Not pretty… She didn’t’ want my help, she wanted to do it herself.  The only problem,  she didn’t have time, she actually NEEDED me…But she didn’t want to admit that.  But after our “discussions”, she finally said I could help.  Then she threw out,  she didn’t think I wanted to .  Haha!  What?

Ahhh, the internal struggle of being a teenager…I need you, I don’t.   I love you, I don’t.   I like you, I don’t…I want to be a grown up, I don’t.

Also, I had just dealt with Taylor when we went to Colorado; I trusted my 14 year old to pack for himself…for over a week.  He packed 1 pair of shorts, 1 pair of cut off jeans, one pair of socks, 2 pair of underwear, 2 t shirts, one disgustingly STINKY pair of skate shoes, we had to throw away enroute and pick up some new ones at a Target somewhere in Kansas!  Haha!!

OK, back to Anya, so she took off to Goodwill for more jeans,  capri’s and T’s  that she can thrash and leave there, and I went and picked up her other necessities.

Throughout the day, we would text each other, that was the safest thing to do, then she and I chatted on the phone and we were good again.  We then had a very nice good-bye dinner at Carrabba’s.   The waiter (or server person whatever you call him), found out she was going, and he bonded with us and told us, every time he would come over, about his first job, at the young age of 18, working construction in the Congo!  It was very sweet.  We did enjoy his stories.

Back home again…  
I then had to make sure that Taylor was packed, I checked and Tom double checked his list of clothes and necessities, as he was leaving for his mission trip the next day as well.  He is in Wheelright, KY, an Appalachian town, for 5 days, with the Crosspoint Youth.  Anya did this mission trip a few years ago and it changed her life, and she goes up, with CP, every chance she gets.  Usually in August, for delivering school supplies for the kids up there, and December, Crosspoint adopts children and takes Christmas gifts to them and has a huge celebration.

He passed inspection, was packed and in bed.

Anya on the other hand was up way past 2:00 am packing,  No big deal, as she needed to sleep on the plane to try to offset major Jet lag. Problem…I was up too, as I was worried she wouldn’t get done in time, or we would over sleep.  Don’t know why, since I have the Rowan Factor as an alarm clock…

We got up about 7:00 am and headed to the airport.  Met with the team, checked in, said our good-byes and she was off…

Am I proud of my 2 oldest?  You bet!!  I can’t tell you the joy that exudes from my inner most being as a mom.  I don’t have the words; none of them would come close.

Today is Anya’s 17th Birthday!

Anya with Grace. Crosspoint.tv team in Nairobi

Happy Birthday my sweet, young woman!  I love you more than you’ll ever know!

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