Category Archives: Mentoring Mom

I am taking the next 2 years, that I have left with Anya, BC, before college, and am going to mentor her. Teach her the things that I think she needs before she ventures out into this world!

I am taking the next 2 years, that I have left with Anya, BC, before college, and am going to mentor her. Teach her the things that I think she needs before she ventures out into this world!

09Sep / 2010

Chips and Salsa Talks…how it all started.

I have 6 children.  I have very close friends that also have 6 children.  Over the years we have become more like family, as well as  friends. Over the years our children have become like siblings and I feel like they are my children as well.  Their oldest son, Tanner and I have become very close, he is definitely like a son to me.

On his journey of life, I had invited him to coffee to discuss life, and be a sounding board for him.  Well, Tanner doesn’t like coffee…

Chips and salsa

photo courtesy of Anya Elizabeth

He likes chips and salsa.

So I said, “Great, let’s go get chips and salsa.”    That was the beginning, that began our “Chips and Salsa talks.  I don’t know how many times we got together, but is was cool, it was intentional, it was and is a great thing!

We talked about everything…school, family, friends, girlfriends, future, past, dreams, plans, how to plan, helped him come up with a plan, played devils advocate, challenged him on things, and so much more!    I can’t tell you specifics on our conversations, that would be a breach of confidence…

Rule:  don’t have to discuss with anyone, ie: said parental unit, unless said party talking, is planning on doing any harm to themselves, or someone else…

I even got him started in blogging!  Tanner Pemelton
That was one of the best things I encouraged him to do…He is a wonderful writer and our next generation, of writers have a lot of amazing things to say!  (one very important blog roll at the bottom of my blog…) Check ALL of them out!

I have cherished my chips and salsa talks…I gained another member of my family.  I grew as a person listening to what this individual had to say.  I hope I instilled some insight, wisdom, encouragement, love, and a little laughter in him.  He is gone to another state for school…I am sad.  But…he is with his 2nd family Jeff and Kim Graves…so it is all good!!  I am mom 2/2.

One thing I know, he will be back for holidays…although he will be pulled and stretched to see all of his friends, and of course his family…I know we will sneak in a Chips and salsa talk.

Fortunately, our families are family friends…part of my Nashville Family . We will be in each other’s lives forever…  I know one day I will be at his wedding celebrating and crying with his mom and dad…knitting a rockin’ awesome sweater for a baby that one day he and his future bride will have, watching amazing films that he has written, produced, filmed or whatever with his best friend Nathan Graves…

I believe that his parents, Bret and Diana,  did and continue to do an amazing job raising Tanner and all 6 of their children!  They are all creative, funny, intelligent, silly, loud individuals, just like my 6…

I also believe, like Hillary Clinton said about 14 years ago, taken from an old African proverb, that it does take a village to raise a child…  I cherish the people that are speaking life, and encouragement, discipline if needed, God,  and love into my children’s lives…

My path continues…as I am now on my journey of “Mentoring Mom” with my amazing daughter Anya, I have booked our 1st Chips and Salsa talk.   Tomorrow around 11:30…

Intentional conversations, mixed in with a little laughter…

and of course, chips and salsa.

I can’t wait!

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06Sep / 2010

Conviction…Mom style.

In my process of mentoring Anya, I am reading a book that I bought about 2 months ago called,

The Mentoring Mom. 

In the first chapter she asks, what is the imprint you are stamping on your child’s life?

OUCH!!  Hello?  Conviction, how are you, so good to see you again!!

Wow, that made me think…How am I investing MY time in Anya, in all 6 of my children?  How am I showing them love, joy, peace, patience, self-control…and more?

YUCK.

I don’t think I give myself very high marks on a few of these…

I knew this mentoring thing would push me, push me out of MY comfort zone, but so soon???

So I am in the conversation, contemplation phase right now.  What steps do I have to take to be more patient with them, to have more self control?  We can’t expect our children to listen to our words when our words don’t mirror our actions!!

Why is it that we can have peace, self-control, patience, joy and love for others; friends, strangers even, but with our family, we believe it is alright to play by a whole different set of rules?

I know I am guilty of this.  How do I make that change, I am on my journey.

What are your thoughts?

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02Sep / 2010

Anya’s coming of age party…2006

Anya… Anya Elizabeth at the age of 12

A little history into our journey into woman hood…

One of my close friends, Diana Pemelton, is a crazy, fellow “breeder”, as she calls us. I met her many years ago. I met her at church. She was doing a church women’s retreat. I needed friends! We met, over the next few years we became close friends.

She has a study that she does called “And God Made Woman”. It is an amazing 16-week study on women.  Quite the bonding experience with the other women in the group!   I have made some amazing friendships through this.
About 6 or so years ago, she and I were in her basement talking. We were discussing raising daughters. She has 2 and I have 3.

Her 3 oldest are boys.

I am the 1st to raise a daughter.

She is writing a study for girls/teens called “Daughter’s of the King”.   We were discussing men and women and how our American culture lacks ceremonies guiding them through the pivotal ages in their lives.  I was telling her that I want to have a ceremony for Anya, when she “becomes a woman”.   Tom had read, “Raising a modern day Knight”, and She and Bret have already implemented several of the ceremonies with their sons.   Tom had his first ceremony with Taylor, another story…

When Anya started her period, I went to her and told her that I wanted to have a celebration for her, for this next journey into adulthood/womanhood. I was going to have a slumber party for her. She was so excited; she couldn’t wait to invite her friends. There was a catch. It wasn’t for her friends; it was women that I chose. Mentors. Women that I trusted, that would be there for her. Women that she could talk to, if she couldn’t talk to me.  Like minded women. I didn’t need to be privy to their conversations, unless she was threatening harm. Those were the rules.
It took me a few months, as I had to fly some of them in from out of town. We planned our weekend. I booked a hotel, got a few rooms, with an indoor pool. We brought food, junk food, soda, she did make-overs on some of us, it was her night.

I didn’t tell Anya of my ceremonial idea. I had each woman buy a charm that represented HER, not Anya, but them. They then presented their charm to her and told her what it was and what it meant to them, and why they chose it.   
It was the coolest!
I bought her a bracelet for her to put them on. When she wears it, or sees it, she is reminded of this circle of women in her life that love her, are praying for her, are there for her in any way she may need them.

It was one of the most moving ceremonies of our lives.

I don’t know if Anya grasped the whole concept at such a young age, but those of us there giving the charms sure did. It was amazing to be a part of the power of these women, the power and oneness when we were together.
It was all about Anya.  

We had this celebration so she would not look at this new season of her life as a curse, but as a blessing, welcoming her, in a beautiful loving way, into womanhood.  It was a beautiful night.  

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02Sep / 2010

Mentoring Mom…the journey begins…serious subject, goofy pics!

I have started a new category on my blog called, Mentoring Mom.  I completely stole this idea from my good friend, Jeff Graves, Not the mom part, just the mentoring part.  We both have kids that will be leaving for school, or doing something in their life outside our home in 2 years.  (His first born, Nathan Graves, just left for college last week.)  He told me of his plan to mentor his 2nd child, Josh, over the next 2 years.

I loved his idea of spending the next 2 years of Josh’s life, while he is still at home, and really, intentionally pouring into his life.  I know we are supposed to be doing that from birth, but do we?  I believe that we try.  Life somehow has a way of getting in the way.  We do the school thing, and watch their games, or plays, or soccer or whatever it is your child does, we take them to church, we feed and clothe them, beds to sleep in, roof over head, yada, yada, yada… We hope and pray for them.

We also have their siblings lives to contend with, we have jobs, financial stress, spouses, family, extended family, holidays, birthdays, mid life crisis’s, I could go on and on.

So when Jeff told me he was going to be intentional about this for the next 2 years, a light went off in my head.

I totally got this!  I love this.  I hate this.  I am scared to death of this! 

I thought, what does this mean for Anya and I?  Lord, what do you want me to really teach her, before she leaves?  She is an amazing young woman already!  This will mean I have to look in to the ugliness of me as well, as help to mold and instill those nuggets of knowledge and grace that you want me to impart to her!  UGH!  I don’t want to do that, but I do want to do that!

I am excited for this new journey that we are officially on… 

I see already things that I want to grow in her.  She is book smart…very intelligent!  She gets that from her father!  I on the other hand am more street smart.  I am kind of a natural “Life Coach”.  I can see and help guide others toward the life they want to live.  I have considered getting certified for this.  Maybe this will be the catalyst for that.

I am excited, already I am making a plan.

Grace, joy, freedom, boundaries…these are a few that I will begin with.

These are life lessons that I can’t wait to discuss with her.  She is an easy 1st candidate.  She is a intelligent, beautiful, creative, funny, person.  She already has a grasp of who the Creator is to her.  That relationship is her own.  She loves people and loves to help.

Do we have places to go with this?  Oh, yes!

I will be blogging of our mentoring time…

I am blessed to have this amazing young woman.  I love this girl!  AND,  I really like this person!  She is one of my favorite people to be with.  We get along great!  (For a mother and a daughter mind you, I am NOT her best friend, don’t want to be either!)         I seriously adore her! 

I can’t believe that I really am in that countdown.  I have been mentally preparing for it since she was in about 6th grade.  Two years…It will fly.  I ask you to join me in this and pray with me as we, Tom and I, finish this part of our  journey with her , and watch her fly.

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